6 Truths About the Summer Movie Blockbuster

June 15, 2012


Ahh, what would summertime be without some stuff getting blown the hell up? It’s that time of year where Hollywood unleashes their arsenal of supercool and over-the-top movies. Funded by big budgets and even bigger action sequences, rest assured that the summer movie blockbuster has become a touchstone in our pop culture. From Memorial Day onward, every weekend is filled with a newer, bigger movie that Hollywood execs hope keep you entertained…at least, long enough to collect your money.

What makes the summertime blockbuster so important is that we’re usually looking to be enthralled and swept away at the movies and what better way than to be wrapped up in an over-the-top, BIG budget, high stakes film. And, even though we know that there’s a formula to most of these movies, we really don’t care because we’re willing to embrace the fantasy of it all for approximately two hours.

Here’s 6 truths about most summer movie blockbusters:

1. Eye Candy. There is going to be so much visual stimulation that your eyes will have mini orgasms from the opening credits until the movie comes out on DVD. Unbelievably attractive people are going to run around and save the day, blow things up, etc. Here’s what to expect – lots and lots of abs. Guys with ridiculous abs of steel are either saving the day or ruining the world. Also, be prepared to be bombarded by hot women. Beautiful and sexy ladies are always around when the world is in danger.

kate beckinsale

{TOTAL RECALL 2012} Real talk: Kate Beckinsale doesn’t age. Which means she’ll keep playing the hot butt-kicking star a little longer. As Lori Quaid in this remake, she promises to combine action with beauty.

inception-men

{INCEPTION} Let’s be real: This movie was filled with hot, gorgeous men trying to pry into other hot men’s minds while they were sleeping in order to steal secrets. Whether you got it or not, you had to appreciate the eye candy.

captain america

{CAPTAIN AMERICA} Abs, abs, abs, abs, abs, abs and more abs. Thank you Hollywood producers.

black widow

{THE AVENGERS} The Black Widow is not to be messed with. She brings the hot and sexy with a big side of deadly.

the incredible hulk

{THE INCREDIBLE HULK} Even green CGI monsters have 6-packs. Apparently, it’s a syndrome.

kate beckinsaleinception-mencaptain americablack widowthe incredible hulk

2. Superheroes, Superheroes, Superheroes. Listen, everyone has a magical power obviously and with a little back story they will, along with the audience discover this. Thankfully, just in time, because the villain just showed up and we need someone to save the D.A.Y. We love superheroes so much that Hollywood is digging up every one ever created and rejuvenating old franchises. But do we get tired of it? No, we want to see our favorites continue to the World.

dark-knight-rises

{THE DARK KNIGHT RISES} Bruce Wayne/Batman isn’t going anywhere. He’s been through it all, an orphan with some real issues, he decides to channel that inner turmoil into protecting the citizens of Gotham from crime and malarkey.

spiderman1

{THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN} Peter Parker goes from nerd to web-slinging superhero, saves the day and gets the girl.

the avengers

{THE AVENGERS}This movie is filled to the brim with superheroes saving the citizens of earth from crazy villains .

harry-potter-hallows-2

{HARRY POTTER FRANCHISE} Harry’s not technically a superhero but he has magical powers and saves the day numerous times in this epic battle between good and evil.

dark-knight-risesspiderman1the avengersharry-potter-hallows-2

3. Witty banter is key. Have your armory of one-liners ready to go.  I don’t know why but we like our leads to be witty, funny and our villains to add a little snark to their destructive plans. Even a funny sidekick will do. Big explosions aren’t enough, appeal to our comedic side at certain moments and you will have us hooked. If they’re lucky, we will be quoting the movie ad nauseum, cementing its place in pop culture.

back-to-the-future

{BACK TO THE FUTURE FRANCHISE} Marty McFly and Doc Brown have the witty banter down pact. Filled with memorable quotes, viewers have enjoyed these movies throughout the years.

jack-sparrow

{PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN FRANCHISE] Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow is a joy to watch. You never know what’s going to come out his mouth and we love it.

the-joker

{DARK KNIGHT} The late Heath Ledger left his stamp on this Joker who taunted and teased with quips, one-liners and a whole lotta crazy.

back-to-the-futurejack-sparrowthe-joker

4. You, the regular guy can save the world. Well, that is if you ever find yourself in some alternate universe where this kind of thing goes down. We love watching the hero find out that they are actually the hero. It appeals to our regular joe schmo sensibility.

armageddeon

{ARMAGEDDON} Want to talk about regular joes saving the day? A group of blue-collar deep core drillers are sent by NASA to stop an asteroid from colliding with Earth. C’mon man.

jaws

{JAWS} Chief Martin C. Brody takes on that terrifying tooth-filled shark and wins. Regular guy – 1, Shark – 0

will-smith-independence-day

{INDEPENDENCE DAY} Will Smith as Captain Steve Hiller is just a family man who saves the day against those pesky aliens.

armageddeonjawswill-smith-independence-day

5. There’s never enough time and always enough time to save the day. Time is a pretty important variable in the blockbuster movie formula. We are always running out of time – before the aliens land and attack. {Side note: What is it with aliens always trying to attack us? Earth is a magnet for extra-terrestrials wanting to destroy us} The megalomaniacal super villain is going to destroy some major city in t-minus 12 hours. Then, everyone in the movie starts sweating bullets because it takes 11 hours and 58 minutes to track down who & what is needed and only 2 min to save the world. Only 2 mins.

6. You can almost always bet your money that there will be a sequel. Especially, if the movie has done so well that the Hollywood execs are patting each other on the back. In fact, get your $14 ready now for that ticket. Because in all seriousness, don’t you want to find out how the world gets saved again?? Yes, yes you do.

 

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